You lying doesn’t hurt.

​

Not knowing why you feel

you have to lie

to me

hurts.

 

Causes me to question the validity of our

love

relationship

connection

friendship

whatever you’d feel safe calling it.

 

Maybe I’m not as safe a place for a heart as I think.

29 and still have no idea how to love carefully

and correctly.

 

Did I not offer a tour of my soul?

Assured you every room was free for you to lay your head.

Did I not sign your name over all of my time.

Wrapped and bowed and gifted you every second.

 

Would you have preferred my blood in a mug or a chalice?

Did you want a boxcutter or pocketknife?

Slice my neck or my wrist?

Did I not bleed for you?

 

I stand here

with a chalk outline of you cut into my heart

and yet you flinch at my affection.

 

What did I do to you?

Turn your stomach with my butterflies?

Valentine a noose around your neck

Did our fairytale walk away with a fist full of your final breath?

 

Is that why you're too tired to stay "I love you" back?

Does it feel like walking down the aisle with your eulogy?

 

You'd rather

drop breadcrumbs of your affection along the road hoping I’ll remember your name

but never arrive at your door.

 

Maybe we both say nothing because we’re thinking these emotions will

quietly bleed out into the breeze.

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