My first solution was to never speak to you again.

Push you to the back of my mind the way I assume you do me when you’re with her.

 

Some people believe humans cannot truly multitask.

Their minds return to the place it genuinely wants to be.

 

I genuinely want to be with you.

 

Am constantly collecting stars to name

after you.

Save so much of my special

for you.

 

But I can see the dimensions you cross to stand next to me.

Maybe that’s why you’re so hard to reach.

Maybe it takes a few days to return a text from a separate galaxy.

​

Maybe you jumble which pieces of your heart you decided to give to me

and which you’re saving for someone else.

 

I know you love me.

Love in code is still love.

Not that important is still kinda important.

​

You remember to tell me stories of the planets you visited when you're away. 

Drunk on the adventure of somewhere else

but still always sober enough to know that I am not your true home.

​

I hate you so much for it.

With the same hurricane winds I love you with.

​

Tears fall at 80 miles per hour.

Thoughts spiral even faster.

I always chase you. 

​

Trying!

To cry and heal and move on and

to keep it together

best I can.

​

But we know humans can’t really multitask.

 

I wish the sky would fall.

I wish the moon would turn to blood

just like God said.

I wish for some tangible manifestation of this heartbreak.

​

I wish you'd call me.

Tell me everything is alright.

​

I always chase.

My abandonment issues won’t allow me to let you go.

Hoping I’ll never leave your heart if I don’t leave your mind but

 

you won’t validate my emotions with reciprocation

the same way you do hers.

​

It breaks my heart

but I always chase.

​

Thinking I’d be special to you because you

are so special to me.

​

My only solution now is to dissolve.

​

Bang my head against the wall until my feelings are knocked unconscious.

Shoot these thoughts into space 

and pray they touchdown safe in another obit. 

​