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You Let Me Down

"It's a lost cause. It's a bad bet. It's a storm but gotta face it." 

Clockwork
00:00 / 02:43

My first solution was to never speak to you again.

Push you to the back of my mind the way I assume you do me when you’re with her.

 

Some people believe humans cannot truly multitask.

Their minds return to the place it genuinely wants to be.

 

I genuinely want to be with you.

 

Am constantly collecting stars to name

after you.

Save so much of my special

for you.

 

And I can see the dimensions you cross to stand next to me.

Maybe that’s why you’re so hard to reach.

Maybe it takes a few days to return a text from a separate galaxy.

Maybe you jumble which pieces of your heart you decided to give to me

and which you’re saving for someone else.

 

I know you love me.

Love in code is still love.

Not that important is still kinda important.

You remember to tell me stories of the planets you visit when you're away. 

Drunk on the adventure of somewhere else. 

but still always sober enough to know that I am not your true home.

I hate you so much for it.

With the same hurricane winds I love you with.

Tears fall at 80 miles per hour.

Thoughts spiral even faster.

I always chase you. 

Trying!

To cry and heal and move on and

to keep it together

best I can.

But we know humans can’t really multitask.

 

I wish the sky would fall.

I wish the moon would turn to blood

just like God said.

I wish for some tangible manifestation of this heartbreak.

I wish you'd call me.

Tell me that everything is alright.

I always chase.

My abandonment issues won’t allow me to let you go.

Hoping I’ll never leave your heart if I don’t leave your mind but

 

you won’t validate my emotions with reciprocation

the same way you do hers.

It breaks my heart

but I always chase.

Thinking I’d be special to you because you

are so special to me.

My only solution now is to dissolve.

To bang my head against the wall until my feelings are knocked unconscious.

Shoot these thoughts into space 

and pray they touchdown safe in another obit. 

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