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Apartment Song

“Tears that I shed turned into glitter on the floor of my apartment.

Pop of shimmer I needed!”

Clockwork
00:00 / 02:43

Every artist has a little Rumpelstiltskin in them.

 

Spinning gold from grief

It’s amazing how much you can profit from changing your perspective. 

 

I cried my way into a 14-year poetry career. 

Hyperventilating onto each page

and cashing the checks all the same.  

 

Am I good at what I do 

or just good at being heartbroken? 

 

I was once told “Ties don’t mean anything to me, validated feelings do.”

 

I’m afraid if I don’t finish these poems, I’ll have nothing to hold close at night.

Afraid God too, will forget my name if I don’t shovel it into the Earth’s crust.

Afraid this hurt will never go away.

 

I done written these poems. Taken the high road. Bit my tongue. Turned both cheeks.

Just to see everyone else with arms full of my prayer requests.

 

I don’t know what to say to my broken spirit.

Still woke up with boulders on my chest.

 

Don’t know how I’ll refund myself the disappointment,

the tears, the sleepless nights, the embarrassment

 

The sun always shines the brightest on days you just wanna die.

And I don’t know if that’s a bad joke

or a good omen.

 

I do know God gave me a sky.

That covers more ground than I could ever walk.

Stars that glistened on galaxies I’ve healed ten times over.

They’ve seen my smile stretch wider than I possibly know.

 

I never imagined I could be enough.

That an empty passenger seat could be full of joy.

Never imagined my heart could swell with my own name.

 

I never forget my birthday.

Never get the wrong gift.

I never blow off hanging out with myself.

 

God gave me this day.

24 hours to spend loving who I am.

 

Just as many times as they can pick someone else

I will pick myself.

 

Remind every lonely breath of its worth.

Tuck myself into a bed that is empty

Of secrets

Of drama

Of lies and half truths

Or gaslighting.

 

As this pain sits on the foot of my bed it will tell me "I've grown."

And although I don't feel it right now

Although I don't believe it right now

That counts for something!

 

God gave me a sky.

 

With a view so beautiful He doesn’t want me to share.

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