I stopped going to therapy because I was too embarrassed to talk about my love life.

 

Couldn't explain how much I hated myself for always having feelings

this world

had no space for.

 

This pattern being wrong.

Wanting wrong. Loving wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

 

My friends tell me I chase unavailability.

I pretend not to know what they’re talking about.

Because

I don't know how to look in the mirror and make myself stop.

 

Again, I am in love with a boy who

“appreciates” me.

 

I remind myself to be grateful.

 

And pray for the day I'm smart enough to dissolve into the ocean.

Assassinate my feelings and myself completely.

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I am a heartbreak without a solution.

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