Another apology feels appropriate. 

 

The last boy that showed interest in me I couldn’t bring myself to reciprocate. 

My heart was too tied to a different guy

that had a girlfriend.

 

I don’t know a better way to apologize

other than smiling at how he loves himself 

in ways I don’t know how to yet. 

 

There's a pattern here. 

You can question the legitimacy of my loneliness. 

My blood on my own hands. 

 

I’ve often been suicidal. Maybe this 

is how I practice. 

 

Understand it’s a lot to ask of someone to hold your mind in place when you can’t. 

Would rather let my issues gouge my eyes out. 

​

Destroyed so many great things by being

too much of myself. 

​

I cried the first time you mentioned a girl you like. 

I cried when you told me you didn’t want to talk to me anymore. 

Always find a reason to be 

sad. 

​

Handing love interests lists of reasons to not be interested.

 

The first step to healing is telling yourself the truth. 

How do you tell yourself you’re unlovable? 

 

I deserve this lonely. 

I deserve this nothing. This no one. 

Left on read. 

Empty house on Sunday. 

​

If you answered every prayer

I'd just keep asking for more. 

​

Cannot build a life with you because 

I am already a dead thing. 

​

Offering no solution for my lonely but for you to change everything about yourself.

Love you into the same coffin I was born in. 

​

I am so sorry.

​

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